In an auditorium, about 15 guys are seated on metal folding chairs or in their wheelchairs, with new guitars resting on their thighs. Their instructors, Adam Swenson and Jim Brown, count out chords and sing along as the beginner guitar players strum along.
The men are partaking in something new — a beginner guitar workshop being offered at an annual retreat in Eastern Pennsylvania for men who have been impacted by cancer.
Brown, who lives in Olympia, Washington, started the guitar workshop as a way to give back to this community that has done so much for him.
“ They were supporting me at a time where I was — I was a real mess,” Brown said.
Ten years ago, Brown was working as a firefighter and paramedic in Olympia when he was diagnosed with stage four metastatic lung cancer. His initial diagnosis was that he had a 3% chance of living five years.
With three daughters under the age of 16, Brown said he hid how scared he was.
“As men in our society, we tend to put a mask on a lot of times when we walk out the door and go out into the world,” Brown said.
Eventually, experimental medications and the psychological and emotional strain of living with a terminal illness deteriorated Brown’s well-being to the point where he sought inpatient mental health treatment.
In need of additional support, Brown found Man Up to Cancer. It’s an organization that provides social and emotional support to men impacted by cancer, through virtual meetups and in-person gatherings.
The group was started as a Facebook page by Trevor Maxwell, a stage four colorectal cancer survivor, said Matt Kozlovac, the executive director of Man Up to Cancer.
Maxwell, Kozlovac said, was going through treatment and found that cancer support groups were mostly attended by women. He wanted to create a space to talk about experiences more unique to men, like specific side effects and the societal expectations of being a man, and how cancer impacts that.
“ Men who isolate during a cancer diagnosis have strained personal relationships, experience mental health difficulties and have poor health outcomes,” Kozlovac said.
Among cancer survivors, men between the ages of 15 and 39 have the highest rate of death by suicide, according to research from the University of Southern California Norris Comprehensive Cancer Center.
Men who have found support in the Man Up to Cancer community said being together, talking and being vulnerable makes a huge difference.
That’s true for Adam Swenson, one of the original guitar club members from last year who co-led the workshop with Brown.
“ Being in really close, vulnerable community with people who have been there and done that and get what it means is just invaluable, really,” Swenson said.
Swenson said Man Up to Cancer gave him a community to talk through troublesome 2 a.m. thoughts with the comfort that someone would be there to listen.
Man Up to Cancer calls its annual summer camp-style retreat the “Gathering of the Wolves.” That’s where Brown found his community within the bigger community.
Brown went to the gathering for the first time last year and brought his guitar along to jam with others. They started calling themselves the “cancer camp guitar club.”
“ We have this chord sheet and we can sit down and we can coordinate ourselves and produce some music together — that's a feeling of joy that I've never experienced before,” Brown said.
Brown said he wanted to share that feeling with others. So this year, he organized the guitar club to teach beginners.
Music is a big part of Brian Vesall’s healing journey. Vesall is a testicular cancer survivor who attended the retreat for the first time this year and participated in the guitar club.
“Music is medicine. I know if I feel like crap, I'm gonna listen to this. It's going to get me emotional, but I'm gonna feel better,” Vesall said.
Vesall is right — music has been used as a medicine to treat psychological and physical symptoms in people with cancer. One review from the Cochrane Library found that music reduced anxiety and depression for people with cancer.
When he was going through treatment, Vesall said he listened to Alice in Chains and Metallica to feel better. But Vesall, who describes himself as having “hands like feet,” figured he would never learn to play guitar — until he went to camp.
“ When I hit the first chord when I didn't self-mute myself and it rings out, it's just so,” Vesall said, then paused to sing an exclamation of joy. “It's amazing. I can't even put it into words.”
Michael Holtz has been a cancer survivor for over a decade. He said his first time going to the retreat was life-changing.
“ That was missing for my life was, you know, having other men who knew what I was going through,” Holtz said.
Holtz has since become chairman of the board of directors for Man Up to Cancer.
When he got to the beginning guitar workshop this year, Holtz said that at first, he was intimidated. But then, after learning some chords, he said he began to think it was something he could do too.
Like the others, when Holtz arrived at camp, he thought he would just get some basics on playing guitar. But Brown had raised money and worked with Music Villa, a music store in Bozeman, Montana, to give out the guitars to beginners.
“To walk out of there with a guitar and a guitar bag and a lesson plan, I was like, ‘holy cow,’” Holtz said.
Every guy who participated in the workshop got access to online music lessons with instructor Lauren Bateman, who is a cancer survivor herself.
Since Holtz left camp, he said he’s been doing the lessons and practicing as much as he can. If he runs into trouble, Holtz said he reaches out to one of the other guys to talk things out with.
“Eventually I know I'll be able to play again, along with the guys in the guitar club and just have a good time with it,” Holtz said.
While there are many opportunities for fun at the retreat, like archery and hot air balloon rides, Kozlovac said Brown took it upon himself to make the workshop happen at this year’s retreat.
“He saw an opportunity to grow this club and make an impact on our community and he kind of went above and beyond with it,” Kozlovac said. “ I feel like it was a gift to our community. It's something that we really wanna support and see thrive moving forward.”
Kozlovac is a musician too, and on the last night of the retreat, he joined in the fun, singing and playing “Good Riddance” with the guitar club members.
