Town hall helps Wenatchee Valley families talk to their children in the wake of the deaths of three young girls
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At a town hall Wednesday in East Wenatchee, a brown dog named Ruffles Lackey made the rounds, inviting attendees to rub her belly. Ruffles, an animal-assisted crisis response dog, was there to comfort community members coping with stress and grief.
The event was one of three mental health town halls held in Chelan County, where specialists shared strategies for supporting children through grief and loss. Experts in trauma care for first responders, children and families spoke about how to have difficult conversations in ways that protect children’s emotional well-being.
These mental health town halls come at a devastating time for the Wenatchee Valley community. On June 2, three girls, five-year-old Olvia Decker, 8-year-old Evelyn Decker and 9-year-old Paityn Decker were found dead near a campsite near Leavenworth. Travis Decker, their father, is wanted in connection with the girls’ killings and has yet to be found.
Julie Boyer, executive director of Pacific Northwest Support Services, led the town hall. She said parents often struggle with how to talk to their children about heartbreaking events. As Travis Decker has yet to be found, the lack of information can contribute to fear.
Boyer said some of the most meaningful conversations with children happen during everyday moments in the car, at bedtime or during routine activities. These moments may feel inconvenient, but are valuable opportunities. Boyer encouraged parents to stay open and attentive.
“You just don’t want to miss it,” said Boyer. “It might be a really inconvenient time, but it is okay. This is when the questions come, this is when the conversation happens.”
One of the most important guidelines, Boyer said, is sharing an age-appropriate version of the truth. What you tell a 15-year-old will look very different from what you share with a 12-year-old or a 3-year-old. Younger children need fewer details, and those details should match what they can absorb and what is emotionally healthy for them.
Boyer cautioned strongly against lying or covering up the facts.
“When parents don’t share the truth, it’s usually because they want to protect their kids,” Boyer said.
According to Boyer, protecting children with falsehoods can have serious long-term consequences. She has seen cases where children later learn the truth from the news and feel deeply betrayed. That sense of betrayal can break trust and harm relationships.
Rather than overwhelming children with information, she recommends letting their questions lead. Boyer said this approach can help families understand what children know, what they’ve heard, and how they are processing the event. It also keeps the conversation focused on their concerns and allows families to provide reassurance where it’s most needed.
Boyer urged parents to be clear and direct, especially when discussing death. Phrases like “went to sleep forever” or “went away” can confuse children and create unintended fears. She shared the story of a boy who was told his baby sister had “gone away” when she died. For years, the boy waited on the porch after school, hoping she would return. Such misunderstandings can be painful and long-lasting.
“Clear, honest language helps children grasp difficult concepts in a healthier way,” Boyer said.
Boyer advised parents to talk with other adults in their children’s lives to ensure that messages about death and loss are consistent. Differences in cultural and religious beliefs will influence how families explain these events.
After a traumatic event, she said children’s behavior may change. They may act out, cry more, ask “why” repeatedly, or fight more with siblings. She said these are normal responses to feeling unsettled.
“They’re stirred up, and that’s why some of these behaviors are coming out,” she said.
Lastly, Boyer said it’s important to make space for lightness and fun. Whether it’s playing outside, watching a funny movie, or stopping for ice cream. Moments of joy can help restore a sense of normalcy.
“It’s so good for your kids and your family,” Boyer said. “Things don’t have to stay heavy and serious.”
Boyer added that rhythmic, bilateral movements such as playing catch, swimming, or building with Legos can help calm children and support emotional processing.
She told parents to meet children where they are and share the truth in a way they can understand. She advised families to be patient and present with their children, when they don’t have the answers it’s okay to say so.
“We don’t know is sometimes the most honest, comforting answer we can give,” Boyer said.
Reneé Diaz may be contacted at [email protected]. Collaborative reporting by The Wenatchee World, NWPB and Murrow College of Communication Newsroom Fellowship.
